LLI 56 The Marriage of Opposites: Where Business, Freedom & Connection Meet

00:00:00: What if two opposites went together? What if relationship and business went together?

00:00:06: What if freedom and connection went together? What if...

00:00:12: being there for another person and saying no went together?

00:00:18: What if the two poles that we perceive as opposites actually create something totally new,

00:00:26: not just as a golden mean, not just as a middle way, but something that is a wonder,

00:00:32: that is a surprise, that is just different from one and the other?

00:00:37: Coming out of that marriage, if we allow it, if we stop choosing one or the other,

00:00:47: if we stop separating these two entities,

00:00:56: what if it is not as complicated as we make it?

00:01:07: There's an intersection of relationship and business and we are here exploring this intersection

00:01:16: because in core they ask the same, how connected can we be with the ones we relate to?

00:01:26: How true and how real can we be in our leadership with ourselves and emanating it?

00:01:35: So that others feel it, not because we want them to feel it,

00:01:41: but because we want what will develop out of that union, out of that marriage.

00:01:51: And please don't take it as a word, marriage, as it's commonly seen, the marriage,

00:01:59: but as a symbol of that interconnectedness, of that when we collapse the duality,

00:02:11: when we learn to stay in that middle, in that golden mean, when we learn to hold both,

00:02:20: the whole ambiguity of life, because it is life.

00:02:28: If there was no day, we could not see the dark as dark and the other way around.

00:02:34: If there was no joy, would we really be able to make the distinction of fear?

00:02:42: And there are so many opposites that we establish in our mind without asking if this is really valid

00:02:54: still. So we work with the preconceived values with a preset and then we tie ourselves to it,

00:03:08: making ourselves limited in a way that where we could actually unleash our genius,

00:03:15: unleash our creativity, because that is what creation is about.

00:03:19: It is very, very tangibly and literally seen when the feminine and the masculine energy come together.

00:03:36: The wonder is created.

00:03:38: And one example is just, of course, men and women and the children that are birthed,

00:03:48: but also the union of these energies in yourself.

00:03:52: To being able to soften, to be creative, to have ideas, to inspire,

00:04:02: to be the muse and also to being able to hold that frame for you, to hold the space for you,

00:04:08: to feel all these emotions, to be focused, one-pointed too.

00:04:16: And you have these qualities in yourself.

00:04:20: You have these qualities in yourself, even if you're not aware of it until now that we talk about it.

00:04:29: But it really is whatever you learn, whatever skill you learn, there's always a quality of yin and yang to it.

00:04:35: When you start your day, you get up in the morning, you get yourself ready, that is yang quality.

00:04:42: You're ready for the day. When you come back home, you want to lie on the sofa, you just want to

00:04:52: relax, put a blanket over you, that is yin quality. It is still being full and abundant and it also

00:05:05: literally translates into, "Hey, I really want to sit here on the sofa, watch TV, eat some snacks,

00:05:14: and feel the abundance of snacks." And getting some input, this too is yin quality.

00:05:20: To be able to let go, to be able to say, "Oh, well, okay, this happened, but okay,

00:05:30: let's move on, do the next thing, it is yang quality."

00:05:33: To have an idea, to follow it, to continue the thread of, "Okay, how can we organize this to

00:05:46: happen in real life, to bring it to reality, let's say it's a project or an idea for a piece of

00:05:54: artwork?" This is the marriage of yin and yang quality and what comes out, you cannot predict,

00:06:01: you have an idea, but it will show when it's there.

00:06:04: What we commonly do is we compartmentalize. Now, especially as women, we are just not able to

00:06:16: compartmentalize. It's the point where we feel one emotion and then it's just not even a second,

00:06:23: there's another emotion coming up. So let's say, for example, we're so excited to start

00:06:30: a business, we're so excited and gregly to be in a relationship, to come from a date, but then

00:06:36: immediately we feel out and maybe we feel also guilt because is it really that

00:06:44: would it take away from other people? And then we get giggly again and it's these flow of emotions

00:06:51: that is interconnected with each other that are derived from thoughts that just happen

00:06:57: just very quickly, just in a second, split second. And yet it's

00:07:02: It's hard to put it all in one box.

00:07:07: To put your being in a box deprives you from the whole being that you are.

00:07:18: It just appears to be simpler, to be easier to handle too.

00:07:26: So we tend to say that to other people too.

00:07:28: This person is so-and-so. Oh, that kid is so-and-so.

00:07:33: This teacher is so-and-so. This coach is so-and-so.

00:07:37: This project is so-and-so. We try to put them all in a box

00:07:41: because that is just how our brain works.

00:07:44: It wants to simplify the world. It wants to make sense of it.

00:07:49: Now what if you, us, as women, are not here to make sense?

00:07:56: What if we lean into the question from a baseline of curiosity,

00:08:08: exploration of playfulness?

00:08:11: What if then the sense would reveal itself?

00:08:14: Not because we are on our way of logically finding the sequence

00:08:19: and using our mind to make sense out of something that we just had an idea

00:08:25: but the other way around, the idea nurtures the sense.

00:08:30: It's not the sense nurturing the idea. Never ever.

00:08:38: And when we can see that, we get across our glimpse of what leadership is about.

00:08:46: Leadership is not being the dictator, the tyrant,

00:08:51: who just does what they want according to their sense.

00:08:59: It is grounded in the spark of the muse in art and curiosity and ideas

00:09:05: and then it becomes leadership because you create this intimacy through that.

00:09:12: [silence]

00:09:37: It is here when we draw the connections, when we open ourselves up to the wonder of the synthesis

00:09:48: for something new to emerge because we give way and we soften up our own limited views, opinions too.

00:10:01: That's when we start to listen, not just to others, to ourselves, to the ideas.

00:10:08: When we give them a chance without criticising, judging them immediately, right away,

00:10:13: it's then when the wonder starts, is seeded.

00:10:21: And that will come away when you can judge and say this is good, this is not so good,

00:10:28: I want to follow up on this idea, this may be not so much fitting, this one, oh, that's a good idea.

00:10:35: That is another phase of the process.

00:10:39: The tendency very often is to criticise too early, to judge too early,

00:10:46: to cut all the sparks and ideas off right from the beginning.

00:10:53: To say they don't make sense, they're foolish. I don't know, I'm not familiar with this, so I don't do it.

00:11:05: It's a sense of clarity that is false because everything that you say from that point

00:11:13: is a clarity that is based on previous experiences.

00:11:19: When you have idea, you have not tried it out, you have not explored it,

00:11:28: there is no proof, there is no proof or evidence as base for that judgement.

00:11:38: So it's too early of a phase to judge now.

00:11:46: This is my invitation for you today. What if, and it doesn't matter if this is now in your relationship,

00:11:52: or in your business, or in the section, intersection of both, where you feel there is a conflict

00:11:58: and just relax deeply into your body and you will find, probably you will find that little place of tension

00:12:09: where you feel that there is something opposing another value of yours.

00:12:17: That is usually what conflict is about.

00:12:20: Like you have the value of freedom and someone else says, "It doesn't work for me like that, I want it another way."

00:12:30: You feel that your freedom is restricted, so you do not like it.

00:12:35: Because very often that conflict that is created in ourselves because it answers a value which is not fulfilled in that moment.

00:12:46: So find that place, find out what is opposing here.

00:12:53: Is it freedom and connection? Is it money and time? Is it time alone and being in company?

00:13:02: Is it? These are just examples to spark your ideas, spark your inspirations.

00:13:11: Find that place and then just sit with the possibility that it is not either or.

00:13:23: Sit with the possibility of marriage of these two.

00:13:29: Sit with the ambiguity. Sit in this void.

00:13:34: And you will snap out very quickly, probably, especially when you are not used to practicing this, not sitting with it.

00:13:42: You will tend to lean into one or other side of the spectrum.

00:13:50: That's good. Just remind yourself when your thoughts come back.

00:13:57: And explore this space. So love a little louder.

00:14:02: Lots of love.

00:14:04: Shang.