LLI 44 Fierce Grace: Leading Yourself with Compassion and Truth

00:00:00: True grace is rough around the edges.

00:00:05: It is unconventional.

00:00:08: It's disruptive and very often we are surprised by grace.

00:00:15: This is iteration number 44 of the Love Lover to Podcast, iterations on becoming human.

00:00:24: When you have listened to previous episodes, you remember, oh, she reminds us of being

00:00:34: gracious, of giving ourselves grace.

00:00:38: But does that mean that it should be all lovey-dovey, and soft, and softy-softy?

00:00:48: No, because true grace is fearful.

00:00:55: And that is what's so irritating for the common conception or the common what we understand

00:01:05: under grace.

00:01:07: Because of course, it's part of grace to be forgiving, to have a soft gaze with full of

00:01:15: love at everything around you, yet at the same time it also does mean to step up for

00:01:22: truth.

00:01:23: And very often that just includes of seeing the love, of being in love, of being compassionate.

00:01:32: And that is why we mistake it with only being that generous, that soft, and that tender.

00:01:42: While true grace, it is disruptive.

00:01:49: It's edgy.

00:01:52: True grace, when you give grace to yourself, when you are being gracious, it also means

00:01:58: that you interrupt yourself from when you are caught in a pattern of rumination, in

00:02:07: a pattern of worry, of anticipating scenarios of this future in a way that just makes you

00:02:15: feel anxious or makes you feel uncomfortable and tensions you up in your body, in your

00:02:24: muscles.

00:02:25: True grace means, first of all, accepting that, that you feel like that.

00:02:32: And this is the disruption that you interrupt this pattern that you do not allow yourself

00:02:39: to go deeper into the rabbit hole.

00:02:45: Of tension, of wanting, of desiring, of being in pain and suffering.

00:02:53: True grace is so fearful in disrupting these patterns.

00:03:01: They shake you out of a state where you get stuck and just deepen yourself into the drama.

00:03:08: They make you, it makes you stand up for truth, makes you stand up for yourself, self, not

00:03:16: through doing, but through being.

00:03:27: You give yourself grace by being graceful, not by doing grace.

00:03:38: You are gracious by staying and taking the pause and interrupting the pattern that is

00:03:50: formed through habits that our thoughts just generated over time.

00:03:59: Grace means being the disruptive power that can break a chain reaction of thoughts that

00:04:09: spiral us into negativity, into a pessimistic view of life.

00:04:17: That is what grace means.

00:04:19: And it also means to accept that we as humans, we sometimes just spiral ourselves in these

00:04:29: places that we get lost in the dark.

00:04:34: True grace is turning to the light again, turning to truth again, even when you are

00:04:40: amidst of the dark because you know deep down there is grace available to you.

00:04:50: And if we forget it, then we are even more surprised when there is a helping hand lifting

00:04:56: us up.

00:04:58: In these moments we let ourselves hang in air without anything to hold on to that is

00:05:12: certain for us.

00:05:13: So we hold on to what we know for a surgeon that is the pain and the suffering.

00:05:19: And it's comedic, it's a comedy, isn't it?

00:05:28: And grace allows you to further along the way see that comical notion of the human being,

00:05:37: of the human becoming too.

00:05:40: And that's just miraculous, it's wondrous and it's surprising and it is edgy.

00:05:46: It whispers to you, it doesn't shout, "Be graceful, be gracious now to yourself, do

00:05:59: not beat yourself up."

00:06:01: It does not shout.

00:06:04: It whispers, "Come closer, I'm here, just turn."

00:06:14: Just you do not even have to turn, just lift your head.

00:06:26: And that's very often that metaphorical but also physical motion that goes with grace.

00:06:35: When someone gives us a helping hand, we lift ourselves up, we feel lifted up.

00:06:45: When we reach a point when we can be compassionate and graceful with ourselves and honest at

00:06:52: the same time, we lift ourselves up.

00:06:58: We have more energy.

00:07:00: We stop depleting our own energy, our own life force.

00:07:07: That is grace.

00:07:10: And you can find it in every situation in your daily life.

00:07:21: find it when you drop a glass on the floor and it shatters.

00:07:31: What is your first reaction and can you be graceful with that reaction?

00:07:37: Can you give yourself some grace, feeling the shock?

00:07:43: Can you notice the thoughts entering right after that?

00:07:50: What are these kind of thoughts?

00:07:53: What does your self talk sound like?

00:07:57: What pitch is it in?

00:08:00: Are you scolding yourself?

00:08:04: Are you cursing yourself because you dropped a glass or are you cursing the glass?

00:08:12: Are you able to notice this?

00:08:14: And this is grace already.

00:08:17: It lies in that pause, in that pattern interrupt.

00:08:21: And it's very, very common that we will not do anything more about it because we'll just

00:08:26: snap into our old drama.

00:08:28: Then we could just continue being grumpy about the shattered glass.

00:08:35: But for that tiny second, we lifted our heads to grace.

00:08:42: We gave ourselves grace.

00:08:45: We turned to truth.

00:08:51: And it's these tiny seconds, these tiny moments, not even seconds, moments, that we make space

00:09:00: for breakthroughs.

00:09:08: And we make space for the breakthrough to be seeded, to nurture them, to let them grow.

00:09:15: And over time, these moments will extend.

00:09:23: When you can handle those little situations, especially when you're with your own, for

00:09:27: example, breaking a glass or having missed a deadline or not doing what you intended to

00:09:37: do and just being able to give yourself some grace that you just did not do the thing instead

00:09:47: of scolding you and instead of continuing to tell yourself how lazy you are, how inefficient,

00:09:59: how scattered.

00:10:01: You can give yourself some grace in these moments.

00:10:08: Automatically you will be more graceful with the persons around you, with your loved ones,

00:10:15: with changes, it will radiate.

00:10:19: There's a catch.

00:10:25: You have to, in the first place, choose grace.

00:10:32: And sometimes we don't.

00:10:34: Sometimes we just, we even notice this moment of, oh, there's a moment of pause here.

00:10:41: Well, I should, but actually I enjoy being in the drama right now.

00:10:46: And sometimes it's just like that.

00:10:48: And in this moment, again, you can be graceful with yourself.

00:10:51: You can just go back into the drama and pay the price of pain of suffering, which is fine

00:10:57: because sometimes it's entertaining too.

00:10:59: The drama in itself is just very entertaining.

00:11:03: There's no problem with the drama itself.

00:11:06: It always is the problem how we think about the drama.

00:11:13: And we perceive about it, how we judge it.

00:11:18: And that is too giving yourself grace.

00:11:21: It does not mean that you are all holy and enlightened and in paradise all the time.

00:11:29: It just means to embracing your humanness, your humanity, to just being fully human,

00:11:35: to dive deeply into what it means to be human.

00:11:41: And to be human also means being graceful.

00:11:47: And it's easily overseen because it's quiet.

00:11:54: Yet the quiet rebellion, that quiet revolution, it is going to turn your whole world upside

00:12:07: down and not just your own world, but everyone in it, everyone you touch.

00:12:23: That is grace.

00:12:25: That means to love like a leader.

00:12:30: And to lead with grace, it means to lead like a lover.

00:12:35: Because grace opens up the space for more intimacy, not even more intimacy, but intimacy

00:12:46: in itself.

00:12:52: For that connection with others, with yourself in the first place.

00:13:07: And that radiates into the world.

00:13:10: It is here where you can find your true impact.

00:13:13: It is here where you can find your true impact in the world for yourself, for others, in

00:13:21: your family, in your partner relationship, in corporations, in your company, in your

00:13:30: business.

00:13:34: That is what erotic leadership is.

00:13:39: It's the life force.

00:13:43: It's opening yourself up to the life force, rippling through you in unexpected ways.

00:13:55: And sometimes we call it grace.

00:14:02: So how about you today?

00:14:10: Do you listen to this podcast?

00:14:13: In what light can you see grace?

00:14:18: And are you able to see grace in your day to day, in your daily life?

00:14:27: Find the moments of grace.

00:14:30: Seek out for them.

00:14:34: And they will find you.

00:14:37: Words of love.

00:14:38: Love a little louder.

00:14:40: Shang.

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