LLI 42 The Courage to Stay: Overcoming Ourselves in Everyday Moments

00:00:00: It takes courage to stay with our feelings without giving in to reactivity.

00:00:08: This is iteration number 42, the episode 42 of the Love Louder podcast.

00:00:16: My partner had taken part in a run just recently, 10 kilometers, and I was accompanying him

00:00:28: with our daughter to the venue, the place where it all took place.

00:00:35: And there were many people, many runners.

00:00:39: Everything was like in a very joyful atmosphere who organized it just to care of foods and

00:00:48: drinks and different stalls to explore for those who do not run themselves but wait

00:00:55: there for the loved ones, for those that they support.

00:01:01: And then of course, there was a track.

00:01:06: It was almost close to a party because it was just so much taken care of who was there

00:01:18: and that it's well organized and then there was one thing that the organizers could not

00:01:25: bring.

00:01:26: It was the spectators.

00:01:29: It was the ones cheering the runners up along the track.

00:01:37: And there were some designated groups along the track, for example, drummers and musicians

00:01:48: and a group playing trumpets and really, really like keeping the beat up and keeping the runners

00:01:59: engaged, especially in the last part, last half of the whole track.

00:02:07: Then there was a factor that is just the people who visit there, who are there along the track,

00:02:14: which was of course the loved ones who support them, the friends, the family.

00:02:21: And so it was us, me, my daughter and anyone else there.

00:02:29: And then I stood at the corner of the track, which was close to the end.

00:02:35: So it was not so very crowded because the big crowd came at the finish line then.

00:02:42: And I was there with a few other people.

00:02:47: And when the first runners coming in, in direction to the finish line, I felt, I feel a little

00:02:59: embarrassed to speak up my voice, to shout and cheer for them.

00:03:06: And I was so confused too because I just talked to my partner with that before, that it's

00:03:13: so motivating for the runners to hear their own name called out.

00:03:19: It doesn't matter if they're familiar to the person or not, if their friends with them

00:03:26: or not.

00:03:27: And interestingly, this is not the first time I'm on a track cheering people up.

00:03:34: I have been there already several times also with my dance group in full oriental belly

00:03:41: dance costume too, dancing and singing and just having a good time.

00:03:46: But now I stood there and I was a little paralyzed because I did not dare to open up my mouth

00:03:56: and just let the voice flow.

00:04:00: And what was turning it all was another woman about 15 to 20 meters beside me and she just

00:04:11: started to jump and to holler and to really give that extra motivation for the last few

00:04:21: meters of the track for the runners that she did not know either, obviously.

00:04:29: And she just cheered for them, just saying bravo, shouting bravo and clapping hands.

00:04:39: That all of a sudden seeing her so freely expressing herself for them, it just made obvious

00:04:47: to me the ridiculousness, that comedy that I was finding myself in this present moment

00:04:57: so I could snap out and then I just joined in too.

00:05:02: And not just that because I have not heard anyone there actually calling the names because

00:05:10: on those numbers that they had on that shirt, it was their name written on it.

00:05:17: And I just started shouting the names that I could read and saying go, go, go, you can

00:05:24: do it, John and Martina and yeah.

00:05:31: Just like that and after overcoming the first few seconds of like what am I doing here,

00:05:39: this is a bit ooh, that wobbly space, I just found that it was so much fun.

00:05:49: It was so much fun just cheering them on.

00:05:52: It was so much fun having my baby in front of me and in my baby carrier, the baby carrier

00:05:58: too.

00:05:59: And she was just looking around and seeing what's going on and sometimes you could really

00:06:04: see the little glimpse of hope or of joy in the runners eyes.

00:06:13: Some would turn their head just being surprised that it was their name that they heard and

00:06:20: it just gave them that extra boost.

00:06:22: Some were just so concentrated that they did not budge.

00:06:28: They just kept on running and others were just lifting their hand a little bit to signal

00:06:34: that they have heard it, that they acknowledge it.

00:06:39: And it's such a simple thing that we can do in our daily lives too because sometimes when

00:06:46: we speak about those big topics like leadership and intimacy and staying with what is, it

00:06:59: sounds so abstract.

00:07:03: Still it does only serve for it to be applied in our daily lives and it needs courage and

00:07:14: it needs curiosity to stay and to overcome not the obstacle that you find yourself in

00:07:25: Very often it's not a physical obstacle or a material one.

00:07:32: It is a mental obstacle.

00:07:34: It's an emotional obstacle.

00:07:37: It does take courage to overcome not the obstacle,

00:07:45: but to overcome ourselves, to stay there.

00:07:51: Do you see where I'm aiming at?

00:07:55: This is a very simple situation,

00:07:57: a very, very, like, just taken out from a daily,

00:08:03: very almost mundane situation.

00:08:07: Yet, of course, that we can transfer into our relationships as well.

00:08:15: Can we find the courage to stay and not giving in to our reactivity?

00:08:24: Can we stay with the feeling of being in pain, being hurt?

00:08:32: Of an uncomfortable feeling that can also be anger,

00:08:41: without acting out on it?

00:08:46: Taking this pause, taking the breath and through this pause,

00:08:53: opening up the space for us to see clearly through our own reactivity,

00:09:00: our own patterns that are very predictable,

00:09:03: because the drama is predictable.

00:09:06: And you can tell, then, you can predict anything what is drama.

00:09:12: It's very often well known because we have gone into the loops so very often.

00:09:18: Then we will say, "Okay, I said this."

00:09:20: And then he said that.

00:09:22: And when I say this, he will go on repeating this.

00:09:27: And it's very predictable.

00:09:29: It's just not only in our relationships, it can also be in our business.

00:09:35: Can we have the courage to stay with the feeling of not being as advanced

00:09:44: as we think we should be without acting up on it,

00:09:53: without pretending, without pushing it away?

00:09:58: It is an obstacle that we face, not just in life, but like life is made out of obstacles.

00:10:09: It's not about the obstacles themselves.

00:10:12: It's always about overcoming ourselves, our ego mind, our patterns, our habits.

00:10:19: It does require the regular turning to what is essential, to what is truth.

00:10:31: And of course, it can help to have mentors in guides along the way.

00:10:37: And sometimes they are given to you from life unexpectedly,

00:10:41: like this other woman that I met on the track.

00:10:48: I also picked up a conversation with her afterwards.

00:10:51: So it was really nice chat and just so, so simple.

00:10:55: And life is simple.

00:10:56: It's just that we make it complicated when we give in too much into our patterns,

00:11:01: into our reactivity.

00:11:06: That we oftentimes very know is hurtful.

00:11:12: And if not hurtful, it's not serving life.

00:11:23: Now how much can you open yourself up for bliss, for connection,

00:11:30: for the wonder that there is everywhere and that you are by staying with everything,

00:11:39: staying with everything that flows through you.

00:11:42: And we're talking today, especially about feelings and emotions,

00:11:46: with staying with them.

00:11:50: And just breathe, take a pause internally.

00:12:00: And this way you will provide yourself the chance for it to flow through you

00:12:07: in the most efficient way, in the most effective way,

00:12:11: because that's going to be gone.

00:12:14: The moment you suppress something, the moment you avoid something,

00:12:18: the moment you force something to not be what it is,

00:12:23: the more you prolong your suffering.

00:12:33: It does take courage.

00:12:35: It does take curiosity to explore this uncomfortable place.

00:12:46: And that is what leadership is.

00:12:48: This is what intimacy is.

00:12:51: This is what life forces.

00:12:56: That is what erotic leadership is.

00:13:01: That is what you are when you find the God in you.

00:13:11: Truth and pure consciousness.

00:13:16: It's not giving in into your human reactivity.

00:13:20: It's opening yourself up for that natural intelligence,

00:13:24: that natural compassion inside of you.

00:13:30: And not even inside, it is here everywhere.

00:13:37: And it can start to dawn slowly but slowly, that at heart,

00:13:48: there is no inside and no outside and no good and no bad.

00:13:55: My invitation for you today is

00:14:04: to allow yourself for a brief moment,

00:14:09: may it be that you just take an hour or 30 minutes or 5 minutes in your day.

00:14:17: To explore what you feel when it shows up without indulging,

00:14:27: without self-indulging, just noticing,

00:14:30: "Uh-huh, that's what I'm feeling right now."

00:14:34: And a little challenge, if you can insert that pause before reaction.

00:14:43: Love a little louder.

00:14:46: Lots of love to you and yeah, yeah, tomorrow, Shang.