LLI 41 Fear of Death Is Fear of Change

00:00:00: Hey, beautiful cluster of stardust.

00:00:04: Let's go for another walk.

00:00:05: So I'm outside now, walking alongside a field that is all Earth.

00:00:12: The Earth is dug up, the sun is shining on it, and the air is flimmering right above

00:00:18: the Earth.

00:00:19: So when you look in the distance, it's like moving, changing.

00:00:25: It's not a constant.

00:00:27: It's not a same-staying picture there.

00:00:30: It's all flimmering and moving.

00:00:34: This iteration number 41 of the Love Louder podcast, and I wanted to share this with you

00:00:40: to have you in from where I'm at right now, because this will seep in probably in this

00:00:47: episode.

00:00:50: Well everything is dried up here, and I bet that the owners of the field, the farmers

00:00:58: there are waiting for the rain.

00:01:02: The ultimate fear that we as humans have is the fear of death.

00:01:10: So we're diving right into the fear of death, and it doesn't matter how it shows, because

00:01:18: when you can see through the variations of the fear that you might experience in your

00:01:26: life, that it all boils down to the fear of death, which is the fear of change, because

00:01:33: death is the big change in our lives that we cannot escape, it's gonna get easier.

00:01:45: It doesn't matter if you are afraid of spiders or snakes, because then you fear that they

00:01:52: bite you, you fear that you get sick of them, that they modify your body in a way that you

00:02:00: define yourself about it, but it does not fit your identification with.

00:02:07: It's the fear of change, and ultimately it's a death of an image that you have made for

00:02:13: you about yourself.

00:02:18: It doesn't matter if you fear when you need to speak on stage or in front of a class,

00:02:25: a presentation, and you get stage fright.

00:02:29: It's the same thing, we only get frightened when we're on stage because we feel that we

00:02:36: have to do it.

00:02:38: It's the fear that when we do not deliver, we will be excluded from the group, which

00:02:50: equals the fear of death in the old days.

00:02:53: Our ancestors relied on being part of a group, being part of a community, being accepted

00:03:00: as a part of the group to survive, because being left alone out there in the wilderness,

00:03:10: that was a death sentence.

00:03:14: And while death sounds very harsh for especially western ears, this is just because we're

00:03:21: not used to it.

00:03:23: Death is just another expression of change.

00:03:29: It's the change we cannot avoid, even if we close our eyes, even if we buy those anti-aging

00:03:36: creams, even if we try to get fit and stay healthy as long as we can be in our lifetime,

00:03:47: there's no escape from death.

00:03:50: In fact, as we don't know, we don't know the time.

00:03:56: We don't know when we will leave this body behind us and change into a form no one knows,

00:04:07: for sure.

00:04:11: It is an adventure, and that's exactly the thing.

00:04:16: Adventures mean change.

00:04:18: It means stepping into the unknown.

00:04:20: It means stepping into the void.

00:04:21: It means leaving one form for something that we cannot anticipate yet in its concreteness.

00:04:34: We may have an idea.

00:04:35: We have maybe a feeling.

00:04:38: We have maybe a dream about it, but it's not tangible to us.

00:04:42: And that's what makes it so scary for us.

00:04:47: That is what makes change scary for us.

00:04:51: That is why so many humans rather choose the known misery over the unknown.

00:05:00: You don't know.

00:05:01: It can be happiness.

00:05:04: It can be bliss.

00:05:05: It can be joy.

00:05:06: But ultimately, we don't know.

00:05:09: And we get caught up in this momentarily, in this moment of judging, because the judgment

00:05:23: we take, this discernment of, "This is good for me.

00:05:26: This is bad for me.

00:05:27: This is good for me.

00:05:28: This is bad for me."

00:05:29: It is only colored by the present moment we are in.

00:05:37: So it can change later on.

00:05:44: How often have you thought for yourself, "Well, back then I would not have anticipated.

00:05:52: I would not have expected, but now I know that was really good for me."

00:05:58: There are some situations like that.

00:06:00: And if you cannot remember them right away right now, just take your time a little later

00:06:06: and there will be some memories for you popping up that symbolize this before and after.

00:06:17: And there will be a breakthrough in between somewhere.

00:06:19: There's a state of change where you dipped into that essence of change.

00:06:29: It's not a state.

00:06:30: Actually, a state just sounds so much like it's not moving.

00:06:36: The essence of change is everywhere.

00:06:39: It just depends on how much resistance we put on or put up to avoid it.

00:06:52: It's exactly the same why we prefer to have our routines, why it gives us a certain sense

00:07:00: of certainty and security to keep repeating the same tasks over and over.

00:07:06: This is why there are people complaining every day about their lives, every day about the

00:07:13: same neighbor or the same colleague or the same job without doing anything about it.

00:07:22: And while it's true, you do not have to act on whatever you feel because our feelings

00:07:28: can be misleading.

00:07:33: The question is always how do you feel about that feeling?

00:07:41: Are you okay with being grumpy because of that neighbor?

00:07:48: When you say this is totally fine, I'm happy at that grumpy state, that's all good.

00:07:56: When you start beating yourself up with, "Oh no, I should have known better.

00:08:00: Oh I should be further along the way.

00:08:04: Ah no, let's just try to ignore that grumpiness.

00:08:10: Just try to bypass that I do not feel well in the situation and just make a happy face."

00:08:20: This is something that causes suffering.

00:08:26: The fear of change includes sitting with what is because only when we start at sitting with

00:08:36: what is, we can slowly embrace that what is may change.

00:08:53: We lean into the change immediately saying, "I wanted to be a different way than it is

00:09:00: right now."

00:09:02: It is not a real change, it's not a process.

00:09:08: It's an illusion, it's wishful thinking.

00:09:16: Which can be fine too.

00:09:17: [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:09:26: Again, it just matters how much you suffer with the thoughts you have.

00:09:25: And we can very well have thoughts and beliefs that they do not serve our lives, that do

00:09:34: not make us feel better, that are self-deprecating, that are just hindering, and we can live on

00:09:41: it.

00:09:42: And it would be totally fine, because the only one bearing the consequences is you.

00:09:50: Bearing the suffering is you.

00:09:55: In core.

00:09:57: Well, of course, how you act on it, how it influences your behavior, the beliefs that

00:10:06: you have, it does radiate.

00:10:10: Other in the world, it does touch other people.

00:10:18: And then in turn, how they go around the world, it will touch you.

00:10:23: So ultimately it is for you, just because one is you're mirrored all the time by the

00:10:31: other, the so-called other in the world, and yet it's all here the same for you.

00:10:38: This is life.

00:10:39: The life you create is your chance and your opportunity to dive fully into this experience

00:10:50: as long as you are alive.

00:10:54: And we try to push the thought of death, and it's not just the thought even, it's the

00:11:00: fact of death, the physical death.

00:11:04: We try to push it away.

00:11:08: We try to push it away because it's so uncomfortable to sit with.

00:11:18: How will you live today with full awareness that someday and you do not know when?

00:11:32: That's it.

00:11:33: You do not get any chance for this incarnation, for this form of yours?

00:11:41: How would you live today then?

00:11:52: Where would you hold back?

00:11:55: Which thoughts, which words would you hold back?

00:11:59: Which sentences will be unspoken knowing that death is around the corner?

00:12:10: And what would you do?

00:12:13: What would you do instead?

00:12:14: Which actions would you take?

00:12:16: How would you create life?

00:12:18: How would you want to feel in this life knowing that life is finite?

00:12:29: In this incarnation for you in this form, it is finite.

00:12:37: That there's a death coming and it doesn't matter if you seek it or not.

00:12:46: How would you live then?

00:12:55: Take a breath here, take a pause.

00:12:59: The questions we seldomly, rarely just ask ourselves in our daily life.

00:13:06: Yet it's the exact same with other uncomfortable exercises.

00:13:13: May they be physical, for example, push-ups.

00:13:19: The first time you try them, you see them, it's kind of look like, "Oh no, I cannot

00:13:25: do this," or, "Well, easily, I will just do this in a finger snap, like easy-peasy."

00:13:33: And then you approach the exercise and it's like, "Oh gosh, I don't know what to do now.

00:13:40: What is..."

00:13:41: It's like, "I want to give up."

00:13:43: Or, "Oh, this is harder than I thought."

00:13:46: It's the same thing.

00:13:47: You're going to go through a process.

00:13:50: And when we allow ourselves to sit with this fact, with that giant, with that big, unavoidable,

00:14:04: inevitable fact, it's going to get friendlier over the time.

00:14:12: And it's going to be by our side, not as this cliche of, like in Western Hemisphere, this

00:14:22: this figure without face, the death that just wears old-tatted clothes and is just not very

00:14:31: welcome in no place, but with a friend that we know is by our side always, that it is

00:14:39: not our job to determine when we will go with them or her with them.

00:14:52: It's not our job to fall into the trap of trying to artificially, forcefully prolong

00:15:00: our lives with creams and protocols and all sorts of operations and injections.

00:15:13: But it is our job to live this life.

00:15:22: And you can leave this job as you want, more or less undone or fully lived.

00:15:38: It is really up to you and you do it as you please.

00:15:43: Yet can you live with the consequences of it, how that feels?

00:15:49: Would you be happy with that?

00:15:50: And it's okay, that's fine.

00:15:54: But if one day you look back and there's regret coming up, that's a pain that you cannot

00:16:04: erase and it's always going to be bigger than the pain of surrendering now and taking the

00:16:13: action.

00:16:14: The pain of regret is always bigger and more hurtful than the pain of action.

00:16:21: And we talk about actions as in daring to step up for yourself, not as in just being

00:16:31: the checker and running around headlessly and trying to push and force things, but to

00:16:40: act from your presence from the deep knowing that death is beside us, that this is the

00:16:47: primal fear of us humans.

00:16:49: And as soon as you can see through that, it's going to just be part of your experience as

00:16:56: a human being.

00:16:58: You will not beat yourself up that much anymore.

00:17:02: You can be more graceful because you know that this is not unique to you.

00:17:11: It's a human experience to have fear.

00:17:17: And you will be able to drop some of the drama just by knowing that, by having the friend

00:17:24: beside you without doing anything about them.

00:17:32: But it's going to change you and it's going to put so much into perspective how you go

00:17:39: around life, how you go about your day.

00:17:45: So this is my invitation for you today.

00:17:50: What does your life today?

00:17:52: What does this day look like in that awareness that death is a friend who does not need to

00:18:07: be invited, but who does not need to be pushed away, that is just there by your side?

00:18:16: Now can you be more graceful with yourself through that?

00:18:29: Let's love a little louder.

00:18:33: Lots of love to you.

00:18:36: Shang.

00:18:36: [BLANK_AUDIO]